Day 9 already, I can’t believe I am still going really! Following through is not always my strong point with this sort of commitment. But I am here again and I have no idea what is going to unfold today.

I did manage to get a couple of pics of Maddie today, she is such a quick learner, is sitting when asked most of the time and can go and get a ball and bring it back. I introduced her to the chooks and cats today and kept her on the lead incase. So far so good, she didn’t really seem interested in chasing them when they were standing around, but as soon as they run she wanted to go after them. Not sure whether she just wants to play with them or try to eat them yet, Not going to give her the opportunity either until she has settled in a bit more. She really has such a lovely nature and is full of energy.

Ok so I have had a bit of time to really think about things these past 9 days. I have really had to rethink why I am doing this blog challenge in the first place. I had to remind myself that I am doing this to find my voice and to find the real me.

Well I think my ego thought better and somehow it come back to writing what I think people want to hear and want to know. I felt so free after the first couple of posts but no so much since then. Your support from the first couple of post made me feel accepted and no so alone and I felt like I was on the right track. But when I didn’t get as many comments on the next couple I quickly felt like I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say and insecurities ran riot again! The ego was taking over again.
I quickly realized I had lost track of why I am doing this in the first place. I need to remember that I am not doing this for the wonderful comments so many of you have given me, and while I will always be extremely grateful for all your support, and I can’t thank you enough truly from the bottom of my heart but I know that I need to keep this real first and foremost for myself. And please this is not a request for comments. I am just glad you dropped by and have no expectations of anyone, I know that we are all busy with our day to day lives.

Completely unedited pic of me EEEK! No make up and no photoshop.

Still the question remains who is the real me. For far to long I have let my past define me and for the first time I am starting to entertain the idea that maybe I am free to define the future that I want and who I want to be. After all it is my story isn’t it and I can write the chapters to what ever I would like, so why not entertain the thought that I can be what ever I want to be and have what ever I want in life. With the business coaching with Nicola we have to write our goals and plan our future dreams. I have found this confronting to believe that I can dream big and have big goals. Can I really dare to dream that big? The minute I start dreaming big I get extremely overwhelmed. How can I possible achieve all that? The negative voices say to me that I can’t do that, your not smart enough, or well dressed enough or pretty enough or skinny enough and the voices go on and on. The biggest one at the moment is that I am not smart enough.

But funnily enough the breakthrough I had in the last week was with my style and my wardrobe and my thinking. After pinning a few outfits into my style board on Pinterest I was typically looking for things that I thought I could wear or pull off, but then I had a thought what if I just pin what I would love to wear IF I thought I could wear anything, of course that would mean losing at least 20kg but hey I can dream can’t I. I find that with working from home that I have over time taken less care of my appearance, living in the daggy comfy clothes that I don’t have to worry about getting paint on, you know the ones that you wouldn’t be caught dead in up town. But I am thinking I am going to start a new vision board of the new style I would like to emulate and put it up in my bedroom. Then I am going to have a huge clean out of my wardrobe and start working towards my new image. So this is one little thing that I can start to change. Hopefully everything, even the body starts morphing into my new dream style. My new Pinterest Style Board.

As far as the not being smart enough one goes, I don’t know how to overcome that one. It is so hard not to compare yourself to others, which always makes me feel inadequate compared to others. I feel like a fake at times. Yeah I know I need to give myself more credit and I am proud of all that I have achieved so far, but it is still these little things holding me back. Hopefully it will be something as simple as pinning that can help me shift my attitude and outlook with all my other insecurities too. I still have a long way to go.

So I think on this journey to find the real me Is more about who I want to be and less about who I was. I can’t change any of my past but I can see that it is more about my present that defines me now, and I have the power to write the next chapter in my story for what ever that might be.

On a lighter note I will leave you with this pic I took this afternoon of our cows with a few new friends that have been hanging around for a couple of weeks, did you see all the ducks on the roof?? There have been heaps of these whistler ducks hanging around lately!

OK until tomorrow peeps, Time for me to start shutting everything down now!

And I just want to give a shout out to Theresa, thank you for coming along for the ride hun, you should start a blog I would come and read it. I would love to hear your story too!

Night all xxx
Hugs

Day 8 and still going, even though I am pretty buggered tonight. Sitting around the hospital all morning then driving the 5 hours back home has taken it out of me. Mum is all set for her treatment now and we had a good trip up and back. They are giving her a trial radium treatment that won’t take as long so she will only have to put her life on hold for 4 weeks instead of 6. She starts treatment in a couple of weeks and her and Dad will be taking their new caravan up to test it out before they start some bigger trips around Australia. So all is good.

I got to play with our new pup when I got home late this afternoon. She is so sweet and so full of energy, It was late when we got home so the light wasn’t very good and these where just taken on the iphone so not the best and not and easy task with a pup that couldn’t stand still. She is so full of life and energy and is so sweet. We have decided on Matilda (Maddie for short). I will get some better pics on my good camera soon.

Sorry guys that is all I have in me tonight, Lots going on in my head though so will be sharing that all soon! Anyway I am going to leave it there with these couple of pics of our mad dog Maddie, well she is not really mad, more like a whirlwind! LOL She is already making our hearts full, like I said to Don “The right dog will find us at the right time” and I definitely think she is it. She has a great nature and personality and is a super quick learner! I love her already! 🙂

Ok I am going to go and crash on the lounge for a bit, A rare treat for me these days!
Night All!